


Thar She Blows

by Suvroc (cuteandillusion)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, He/Him Pronouns For Crowley (Good Omens), No Beta - We Fall Like Crowley, Other, Pirates, Rare Pairings, She/Her Pronouns For The Kraken, Tentacles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:54:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29769603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuteandillusion/pseuds/Suvroc
Summary: Once upon a time, as all good stories start, the dread pirate Crowley the Red, sails his mighty ship The Demon's Revenge off towards merry old England. However, upon dropping anchor, he finds that not only is the mythical beast The Kraken real, but she's desperately lonely and aching for some mental and physical stimulation.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley/Kraken
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7
Collections: Rare Omens





	Thar She Blows

**Author's Note:**

> TITLE: (nautical) The traditional hail of the lookout in a whaler (whaling ship) when sighting the spouting water thrown up by a whale surfacing
> 
> \---
> 
> Oh good freaking lord, what you all have done to me.  
> [#MoFuBingo](https://d20owlbear.tumblr.com/post/642596089066881025/mofu-call-2)  
> [#rareomens](https://mobile.twitter.com/OlivierHennis/status/1348189318012166144)
> 
> I wanted to get this posted during the month of February, 2021. I had the "Mythical Creatures" space on my Mo(nster) Fu(cker) Bingo card, and also wanted to fulfil the 2/16/21 Rare Omens prompt of "Create a New Pairing"! Mmmm also, thanks to Whiteley Foster for the "Demons sink, but snakes can swim" HC!
> 
> Demon. Mythological tentacled beast. I mean, you connect the dots :-D (or I will!)
> 
> This will slide on into Explicit but, f*ck, it's still overall an Aziraphale / Crowley universe I live in!  
> PLEASE let me know if there are other things I should tag this as.

The huge and looming frigate known as The Devil’s Revenge cruised across the Atlantic under full sail. Helmed by a solitary figure cutting an imposing silhouette under the starlit sky, it dipped and bowed to each passing wave, unaware that this journey was to be its last.

The soon-to-be former captain whistled a jaunty tune as he held the ship’s wheel steady, until he could faintly make out the shoreline ahead. It was 1714, or nigh on about that year, and Crowley been enjoying his time inspiring a new crop of ruffians and rapscallions to the finer points of piracy. His favorite pupil, a bearded gent who’d been enamored by the way Capitan Crowley seemed to be able to set his own hair ablaze in order to strike fear into the hearts of his targets, had begged for tips on how to be more imposing. Crowley’d been only too eager to comply. (However, instead of admitting to being able to call up hellfire at will, he’d suggested stringing lit fuses through his locks). Last he'd heard, Beard Guy was already on his way to a stunning career in infamy.

The journey thus far had been one of ease, for of course it had. It would not have dared to be otherwise against the demonic forces which compelled the ship across the sea. It had taken about a month to make it back to England, but time had passed quickly. It had helped that, for a large portion of the trip, he’d had the company of an incredibly ribald pod of dolphins ( _horny bastards_ ) with whom he’d swapped bawdy tales.

“Land ho,” the doomed captain smirked. With barely a thought, he snapped his fingers and dropped anchor.

The effect was almost immediate. The calm waters rippled like the whole of the ocean sat atop some giant gong. The reverberations ran up the mast and shook the deck like it’d been struck by a cannon. Crowley stumbled.

 _What the bloody heaven_ , he thought as the waters around him began to swirl. The ship tilted, even as he fought to hold the wheel steady, and its construction started to groan as the ocean bubbled and roiled. _Tsunami_? he wondered absently. It shouldn’t be possible that a menial earthly experience would be able to affect his occult hold. He struggled to keep the ship from being pulled under, fighting to remain upright while it began to spin in a tight and worrying circle.

A fierce gust of wind tore at the ship’s sails, and he could feel she was moments from taking water. Demons sink, but snakes can swim, so although he felt he owed it to his ship to go down with her, he shed his human form, at least partly, to transform his lower half into that of a red bellied snake.

He might be feeling chivalrous, but he wasn’t stupid.

The whirlpool intensified, and wooden beams began to snap. He relinquished his hold on the wheel as it came apart in his hands.

 _Farwell, me love._ He blew a kiss to the fat-bottomed ship as they were both pulled into the chilly water of the mid-Atlantic.

 _So. Time to see what the fuck this is all about._ He aimed himself downward, said a quick incantation that allowed light to penetrate the darkened depths and, with a few thrusts of his tail, shimmied through the water and away from the wreckage of his ship.

A huge reflective disk rose up beneath him, and it took only a moment to realize it was an eyeball the size of a millwheel.

“Oh. Whoops!” He projected the comment in the language of sea mammals, back-swimming to hold himself in suspension. As he began to realize the scale of the creature before him, he recognized the chain of ship’s anchor sunk into the side of an enormous blobby head. All around him, the waters shimmered with movement and the outline of hundreds of long and waving tentacles.

_This… is probably not good._

“Er, sorry about that,” he said, even as the tentacles waved nearer his dangling tail, and he twisted desperately to avoid their grasp.

A bubble rose from somewhere far, far below, and with it, a voice he felt more than heard.

“I…BE…THE…KRAKEN.”

“I gathered,” he blurted, then caught himself. “That is, your reputation precedes you. Heard good things about you, yeah? Doing a hell of a job it seems.”

“WHAT… CREATURE… FEARS... ME… NOT?”

“Oh,” he shuttered as the voice traveled through his core and rumbled off into the unfathomable depths again. “Don’t get me wrong, you are quite feared. By me. By, everyone really.” He gulped and flipped his tail again, avoiding the tangle of arms that reached for him. “Er. Demon. So. You know, maybe not as fragile as your actual human or whatnot but,” he felt a tentacle shoot around his tail and latch on with a disarming amount of suction cups. “Pretty sure you can still make a fine hash of me if you wanted.”

He shook his lower half and tried splitting his tail into two appendages. One remained trapped by the Kraken’s ever-tightening hold, and the other treaded water. He was being held steady, but he could tell the power that lurked beyond that grasp could be substantial if required.

“So.” He gulped. “Is that what you wanted?”

With a jolt, he was pulled forward through the water to end up eye to eye with the great beast.

“WHAT… I… WANT?”

The eye was so huge he could barely take it all in at once. He nodded. “Just, you know, kinda my thing. Wondering how people get their kicks and all. Some tend to the material pleasures of the world, others are drawn more towards extreme violence.” He let his guard down just a touch. “Being that you haven’t torn me limb from limb yet, I’m at least hoping it’s not the latter?”

The eye did not blink, but he thought he could almost hear a sigh in the next bubbling comment.

“HAVEN’T… MET… MANY… DEMONS.”

“Oh no? You’re probably lucky. Most of them aren’t as dashing or interesting as I am, if I may say so myself.” The tentacle wrapped around what would have been his right leg, had it been a leg and not an expansive extension of his snake body, thrummed almost thoughtfully. It was an altogether odd sensation, like someone humming all along the places it touched him, while at the same time, undulating like hundreds of drumming fingertips. It was strange, but not unpleasant.

“I.. COULD… EAT… YOU.”

“I’ll be you could,” he said hastily, “I’d rather you not.”

“NOT… HUNGRY.” The voice was dismissive, but the tentacle remained attached, even seeming to sway him gently back and forth.

“Well I am grateful for that, and again, I apologize for the anchor thing.”

He had watched as a few tentacles had pulled the offending item loose and were rubbing at the mucilaginous spot. He thought he could almost see a shrug amongst the acres of the creature’s visible surface area.

“HAD… WORSE.”

“I’ll bet.” He tested the hold on his appendage again, and felt it loosen even more, the suction cups releasing against his scales. “Er, wanna talk about it?”

The eye, which he had realized could not blink, drew back.

“IF… I… RELEASE… YOU… WILL… YOU… STAY?”

Crowley thought for a moment. Weighed the pros and cons of this offer. Thought about this possibly once in a lifetime chance to converse one on one with one of the great and legendary beings of the world (which, truth be told, he had always thought to be a myth).

Crowley, if he was nothing else, was obsessively, compulsively, dangerously, curious.

“You have my word.”


End file.
